On a Ride Along Ganga: Ramblings of an Unfettered Mind

( SPAM ALERT: A couple of weekends, I failed to get any notification, though subscribed. Ah! this technology is on a misbehaving spree. Electric bikes on fire ( No, they're literally on fire) and our notifications dropping in the Spam folder.

On our part, lets just put in our inbox again.

Thank you.)

I am not a big fan of the dichotomous nature of things which we often talk about. Why does somebody need to be happy or sad, why can’t there be a feeling of being blank? Why do things have to be either black or white and why can’t they be in different shades of grey. I always think about this. And further, why does one disappear when we have another. I mean why can’t emotions like happiness and sadness co-exist? Why can’t we find peace in chaos and find chaos in peace? Though it sounds idiotic I always wanted to be in such a place. I always wanted to be somewhere where the peace and the rush co-existed. If I ever felt closest to this it was when I visited Benaras (or Varanasi as people call it) last year.

Though I was there for a couple of weeks, it was for the three days that I was all alone and I felt I was actually in Benaras.

I always wanted to live in a fantasy world of mine and never ever have I felt any place closer to it except for this one time. It was a conglomeration of peace, chaos, serenity, celebration and sadness. I was just wondering what it was. As I took an auto from the Lanka gate, it took me through the busy and vibrant market and food stalls of the city . As we were approaching the ghats the noise kept increasing. It was a bit disturbing because I was expecting that as I get closer to the ghats it will be very peaceful. The auto driver asked me where I wanted to go and I told him manikarnika ghat. In a very sympathetic voice he told me Koi baat nahi bhaiya, ye sab to hota rehta hai. I was shocked and told him the purpose of my visit to the ghat. He gave me a stare and told me that the ghat I was visiting is the one where they generally cremate people. I wasn’t aware of this and I was just visiting the ghat because the name sounded interesting to me.

As I walked to the ghat from a distance I saw a person on his final journey being carried on the shoulders of people with the chants of Ram naam sathya hai. For me it was just a person who was dead but to think of it now it is such a painful thing even to have the thought of losing someone near and dear to us. In a very naive philosophical way I told myself, Gorsi bhai yahi hai zindagi, bas is din ke liye sab jiite hai ki kab marenge.

As I continued ahead I saw a few people leaving as the smoke reached higher and higher in the sky and eventually disappeared. It was a thought provoking event for me but I moved away from there because I did not want to spend the day that way.

I walked over the stretch of ghats and was just mesmerized by the place. Eventually I met this boat man who offered to take me for a ride (should it be called a ride, never mind). And even as I was talking to him I realized the kind of hardships he had faced and the kind of comforts I have had. It was more troubling to see the hard days he had to go through during COVID. His only livelihood was restricted to catching fishes and he had accumulated a debt. Slowly as things were opening up he was getting back to business but the business will be good only when foriegn tourists return he told me. Being an economics student it was wonderful to see how people in trade helps you understand the importance of international economics. As we continued talking, the topic shifted to life in general. I was kind of in awe of what he told me. It wasn’t something very philosophical or something which I never heard before, but it was enchanting. He told me,

“Bhaiya dikkat to bahut hai, paisa nahi hai, kaam theek nahi chal rha, udhaar bhi hai lekin zindagi theek chal rahi hai.”

(I have a lot of problems, I don’t have money, I do

I was just wondering what he meant by zindagi theek chal rahi hai. He further helped me understand what he was saying. He told me he was at peace with his life. Any big problem which bothered him, he would come and share it with ganga maiya and let the problems be taken away by the waves of his ganga maiya. And once this happens he goes on with life. Now this sounds very filmy and maybe very hard to believe but I will do what he told me to do. As we were talking he told me,

“Bhaiya jo bhi apko kuch bolta hai sabki suno aur sabki baat to sach manno. Ab bina bharosa kiye thodi kaam chalta hai. Log jhoot bhi bolenge, fayeda bhi uthayenge lekin hume kisi ache admi ke sath galat nahi karna hai. Apke sath koi galat karega usko bura lagega aur aap karoge to apko lagega.”

(You see whenever someone is talking to you, listen to them and trust every word they speak. How do you think we can move ahead without trust? People will lie and will even take advantage of you but keep trusting because you must not wrong anyone. If someone breaks your trust they will feel guilty about it and if you break someone's trust you will live in guilt thereafter.)

I was just at peace and ease after the small boat ride. I saw a person living a life which I thought I wanted to live. A life where peace and chaos co-existed and whose color went beyond the binaries to different shades of grey. I also realized that it looks fancy and interesting on the surface, but is tough to live in and is easy at the same time.

It demands two things I believe, contentment (santushti or tasali) is like the necessary condition, faith is the sufficient condition.

I am a big fan of contentment but people say at times it can harm you. So there comes this important distinction to have about a minimum threshold and only beyond that one must have santushti.

Even as I sat on the ghats of Benaras I was in total chaos and rush yet I was at peace and ease. Though it breaks my heart to say this, it was the day when I paused a Nusrat Sahabs song in the middle and just sat there for some time without doing, listening or speaking anything. It was something surreal. How I wish we all get a chance to visit Benaras and be at peace with ourselves while we are still in the chaos. How I wish I have the courage to live, mix the black and white and get a new shade of grey every single time.